I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
