How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
