She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
