It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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