my vag is so smooth its legendary
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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