he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?