The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.