He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.