It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
