oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
