I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
