grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
