It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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