3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
