My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
