Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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