apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
its not stalking. its research.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
