I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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