he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
