When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
