My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize