he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize