I'm going to jail i love you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
