Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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