Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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