I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
