i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize