had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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