literally had 100 drinks last night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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