going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
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Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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