I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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