He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
