Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
