I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize