We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
