So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
