Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
