I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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