turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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