I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
