dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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