I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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