Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
