She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
