So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
