you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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