Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
