Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize