apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
