I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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