She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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