wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
