i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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