I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
