she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This house was built for laser tag.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
