I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
