my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize