Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
