Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
