wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
